192 / 365 – Summer’s End

FINN TILLARY

There’s a cool in the air tonight. It’s not the hard nip of an October morning, but it’s there in the breeze that whispers through the windowscreen and makes the curtain billow up. I can hear rain softly falling on the maple outside the window, the branch that ends it arms out to the roof of the house and the dormer for my room and scratches at it from time to time. Like it’s saying, “Hey, I’m about to lose my leaves. Pay attention.”

Summer’s passing and I don’t feel like I noticed it was even here. I guess they’re not like what summer meant for most of my life up until now, what it hasn’t been since that summer right after college, when Kate and I packed up and wandered around Europe for three months, just going where we felt like. Before I enlisted. Even though I worked every summer growing up, it still felt like that. The days were long enough for work, with still enough left over kicking up your legs or pushing off into the lake in the canoe and enjoying the late afternoon or tearing off after some wild-hair idea. This summer, it was like I forgot to do that. Somehow I got too busy trying to work, or trying to get away from all the noise in our little apartment in Chicago. Maybe this is something that we’re meant to say goodbye to, now that we’re older. Like my dad says, you don’t get anywhere lying around all the time and watching the sun shine.

Fall was always my favorite season. I know it’s the season when things are changing, dying, but it seems like things get new then, when the air turns sharp and the days shorten and the winds start to blow harder out of the north and you know you’re going to be seeing a lot of people, hanging out with people indoors, since there isn’t anywhere else to be. But Fall was always good after a long summer. I don’t feel ready for Fall. I’m not excited about like I’m supposed to be.

I’ve met a lot of older guys who’ve talked about the years going faster and faster and you can hardly keep up with them. Maybe that’s all this is. Life spins faster and you either spin with it or you get out and stop. I don’t know what happens if you stop.

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